Stupid Walking Clay
by MusicDream16
Summary: Just a little humor fic about a certain priestess made of clay... I wouldn't suggest reading it if you are Kikyo fan. R/R are GREATLY appreciated!
1. The Defeat of The Clay Pot

Stupid Walking Clay By: Margaret Granado Genre: Humor Author's Notes: Uh... I wouldn't read this if you like Kikyo... there is quite a bit of bashing involved in this. Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I no own, so you no sue.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^ "Inuyasha... do you care more about that... that GIRL than you do me?" Kikyo questioned, wrapping her arms seductively around Inuyasha's neck.  
  
"Well duh! She isn't a walking sack of mud!" Inuyasha pulled away, "Which is more than you can say."  
  
Shippo knocked on her head, hearing the hollow sound, "Cool..."  
  
He began beating on it like a drum, aggravating Kikyo, "Get off me!"  
  
She threw him off her head and he frowned, "Sheesh, someone got up on the wrong side of the dirt pile today..."  
  
"Dumb-ass demon..." Kikyo mumbled.  
  
"Hey, don't make fun of the little kitsune you bongo!" Inuyasha gave her a good whack in the head and heard a cracking noise.  
  
Miroku looked at the dent the hanyou had created, "Eh... oops..."  
  
"What do you mean OOPS????" Kikyo flung around and shot an arrow at Inuyasha, pinning him to a tree, though he quickly got free.  
  
He smirked, "Oh yeah, now I'm scared... oh Kikyo, please don't kill me..."  
  
Kikyo shot another arrow at him, but missed. He laughed, "Looks like you're loosing your touch mud-sack."  
  
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!! I'm REAL!!" Kikyo screamed.  
  
Kagome fell over laughing, "Ha... you real? Yeah right you poor excuse for play-dough! In your dreams!"  
  
Kikyo clenched her teeth, "Inuyasha, why do you treat me so...?"  
  
"Cuz you're mud."  
  
Kikyo moaned and then yelled, "I AM NOT MUD!!!!!"  
  
Sango crossed her arms, "Then what ARE you, huh Kikyo? We all know you're not human..."  
  
"Uh, well... I don't know... but the fact is that I'm not mud!"  
  
"Oh, that's right! How could I have been so mistaken... why, you're not mud," Sango apologized.  
  
"That's better-"  
  
"You're clay!" Inuyasha finished for Sango.  
  
"That's it Inuyasha! Prepare to die!" Kikyo spat with venom in her voice. She raised her bow and arrow and aimed at him.  
  
He held his hands in front of himself and said sarcastically, "Oh no... please don't hurt me Kikyo."  
  
Kagome filed her nails, then tossed the nail file at Kikyo and said emotionlessly, "Yeah, don't hurt him, I won't let you... don't worry. I'll protect you Inuyasha..."  
  
"Are you mocking me?" Kikyo questioned bitterly.  
  
"No, I am you... only I'm - get this - I'm ALIVE! Crazy, am I right?" Kagome smirked.  
  
Kikyo sent one of her demon snatchers after Kagome, but Shippo turned into the pink balloon thing and scared it off. He threw the spinning top at Kikyo and it cracked her arm, "You stupid little fox!"  
  
Miroku chuckled, "Well done little Shippo."  
  
Shippo smiled proudly and then jumped onto Kagome's shoulder. Inuyasha smirked at Kikyo, "So... what do you think? Are you ready to admit that you're clay, er, mud or whatever it is you are?"  
  
Kikyo frowned, "I'm not mud or clay or dirt! Leave me in peace!"  
  
"You're the one who started bothering us," Miroku reminded.  
  
Kikyo approached Miroku, but Sango threw her boomerang at her, cracking her legs off, "Stupid demon exterminator!"  
  
"I wanna play some more!" Shippo said, throwing all his toys at her, chipping her face.  
  
"This isn't fair! There's five of you against ONE of me!" Kikyo yelled.  
  
"Okay, I say we let Kagome fight you then," Inuyasha suggested.  
  
"Why me?" Kagome questioned curiously, "Don't YOU want a piece of the action, Inuyasha?"  
  
He shook his head, "It should be interesting..."  
  
"Okay," Kagome smiled and turned to Kikyo (who was balancing on the cracked legs).  
  
"You'll never win you stupid reincarnatio-"  
  
STOMP!  
  
Kagome dusted off her hands and looked down at the pile of broken clay underneath her feet, "You were saying... come on Kikyo. If you're so strong, come back and fight me."  
  
The clay came together to for a brand new form - a clay pot, "Stupid reincarnation! Look at what I'm reduced to! And it's all because of you!"  
  
"Oh, put a sock in it!" Kagome frowned and kicked the clay pot across the forest bringing a cheer from the group.  
  
"Kagome! You did it!" Shippo cheered, and jumped into her arms.  
  
"Well it wasn't very hard... it was just clay... just some stupid walking clay..."  
  
END  
  
Was it funny? Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Tell me! Please review! E- mail at YamaClarinet@aol.com 


	2. The Return of Mud 'N' Bones

The Return of Mud 'n' Bones By: Margaret Author's notes: Thanks to Mimiko for this idea! And thanks to all the other reviewers! I just LOVE to get reviews! Thanks to Meow the chibi neko, Tannim Mayonaka (thanks for being so supportive), Iron Raven, and Lynnxlady... even if you didn't really like my story.And I'm sorry if you like Kikyo or if these people are out of character. It's fanfiction... there's a reason it's not like the TV series...  
  
~*~*~  
  
"I'm ba-ack!" a voice echoed around the Inuyasha gang as they walked through the trees.  
  
"Who's back?" Shippo questioned.  
  
"I'm back!"  
  
"Who's 'I'm'?" Inuyasha asked.  
  
"It's me!"  
  
"And me is...?" Miroku raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Kikyo, you morons!" the voice shouted, causing everyone to cringe at the sound.  
  
"Sheesh, will you shut up??" Kagome frowned, "Didn't we kill you?"  
  
"Yes, but I have come back to get you! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Kikyo's voice laughed.  
  
"And exactly where are you...?" Sango put her hand on her hip.  
  
"Uh, well..." Kikyo's voice hesitated, "I'm kinda... well I'm not a clay pot!"  
  
"Yeah, so what are you now?" Inuyasha questioned, listening with his acute ears before his eyes landed on the necklace charm around Kagome's neck, "Are you a necklace...?"  
  
"No! I'm a necklace CHARM! CHARM you dog brain!" Kikyo's voice emitted from the necklace charm.  
  
"Whatever..." Kagome rolled her eyes, "And that's just SO much better than being a pile of mud...?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Sure... whatever you say Kikyo, er necklace charm," Miroku joked, before the necklace flew off Kagome's neck and right into Miroku's eyes. He smirked, "Oh, ow, that REALLY hurt me. How will I ever go on...?"  
  
"You'll never defeat m-"  
  
STOMP!  
  
Everyone looked at Kagome, who dusted her hands, "You think she'd gotten the idea the first time..."  
  
~*~*~  
  
Yeah, this one sux... but I had an idea and I had to work with it. I'll hopefully revise it soon. But give me some reviews to give me some ideas. 


	3. When Will She Die?

When Will She Die??  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
Author's Notes: Hey, it's me again! Wow, you guys are SO great! I honestly didn't think ya'll would like 'The Return of Mud 'n' Bones'! Ya'll are the BEST reviewers! Thanks to Moongazer, inuyashas gurl, kaibagirl, crying chick, I am Sango, Mimiko, and Lizzie (my bff). An EXTRA SPECIAL thanks goes out to Kotiya, who gave me my inspiration for this chapter. Oh, and Ima Blabbermouth... no, there isn't anyone who likes Kikyo. Sorry, I'm not being mean - it's just a fact.  
  
~*~*~  
  
The Inuyasha gang has taken a SHORT break from searching for the Shikon Jewel to have a nice meal with Kaede. Shippo was playing with a pointy stick he'd found in the forest. Kagome scolded softly, "Shippo, pointy sticks aren't good."  
  
Shippo looked down in defeat and put the stick in his pocket.  
  
Suddenly, a harsh wind blew in, causing the fire to go out. They all looked to the door and heard a loud, "Whoooooo..."  
  
It was then that the gang knew who it was. Inuyasha rolled his eyes, "Aw, come on! When are you gonna die??"  
  
"I will never die, so long as you still live Inu-"  
  
"Oh, cut that 'my soul cannot rest until I see you dead' thing! It's REALLY getting old!" Inuyasha barked, "So what did you come back as this time? A terrifying wrist watch?" (A/N: I know he probably doesn't know what a wrist watch is, but who cares?)  
  
"No! I'm something you cannot defeat!"  
  
Kagome sighed, "What did we ever do to you?"  
  
"You stole my soul, you killed me not once but-"  
  
"I didn't ask for you life story," Kagome said, getting up and walking out of the hut.  
  
"Hey, come back here!"  
  
"Exactly what are you this time around?" Miroku questioned.  
  
"I am..."  
  
"You are what...?" Sango raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I am... THE WIND!"  
  
The gang fell to the ground in a fit of laughs. The wind shouted, "Do not laugh! I can destroy you with a single blow-"  
  
"Blow! AHAHAHA!" Shippo gasped for air.  
  
Kagome walked back in, "So what is she this time...?"  
  
"Th-the-the w-wi-wind!" Sango explained through her giggles.  
  
Kagome joined the others rolling on the floor.  
  
"You can't do anything to stop me now!"  
  
"Whatever..." Inuyasha mumbled, his laughs subsiding.  
  
Another harsh wind blew into the hut and right into Inuyasha's mouth, "Ew! Get outta my lungs you clay p-"  
  
"I AM NOT A CLAY POT!!!! NEVER HAVE BEEN, NEVER WILL BE!!!!!!!"  
  
"How is she still talking if she's in your lunges?" Shippo questioned.  
  
"I am all powerful!"  
  
"Well overcome this mud 'n' bones!" Inuyasha said, and reached into his haori.  
  
Everyone raised an eyebrow to try and figure out what he was doing. They understood when he pulled out a cigarette.  
  
"What do you think you're doing??"  
  
Inuyasha lit the cigarette and started smoking it.  
  
*cough*  
  
*choke*  
  
*wheeze*  
  
"Feh..." Inuyasha rolled his eyes, "Did that stop you?"  
  
The wind blew out of Inuyasha's mouth and into the cigarette, "Hehe! I'm the almighty cigarette! Fear me!!!"  
  
The gang all gave each other a glance that said 'who should do it this time?'  
  
Miroku asked, "Can I do it? Please??"  
  
"Okay Miroku. You can do it - but only this once!" Kagome put her index finger up.  
  
"Yeah!" Miroku rejoiced, threw the cigarette onto the floor and-  
  
STOMP!  
  
Miroku dusted his hands, "That was fun!"  
  
"Ow..."  
  
"You didn't die???" Miroku's eyes bugged out.  
  
"No... you just really stomped on m-"  
  
"That's it!" Kagome snapped, and picked up the cigarette.  
  
"Where do you think you are taking me??"  
  
Kagome ran out of the hut to a nearby stream. The gang followed close behind to see exactly what she was planning to do.  
  
As soon as Kagome reached the s tream, she tossed the cigarette in.  
  
"You can't do this to m-"  
  
SPLASH!!!  
  
"I'M MELTING! MELTING I TELL YOU! OH, WHAT A WORLD...!!!!"  
  
"Looks like she can..." Sango commented, before letting out a small giggle.  
  
"MWAHAHA!"  
  
"Didn't you drown or something??" Miroku questioned, looking at the water.  
  
"No, I'm a fish now!"  
  
"Oh get a life Kikyo!" Inuyasha rolled his eyes.  
  
"You are no match for me now!"  
  
STAB!!  
  
"Ooh right in the head..." Kagome looked away.  
  
Shippo smiled, "See, pointy sticks ARE good!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
So what did you think? Did you like it? R&R! Oh, I realize that I said they were with Kaede and she didn't have any lines but I just forgot to use her. Hm, maybe she, uh, fell asleep in the middle of eating her ramen... yeah, that's it. 


	4. Time For A Meal

Time For A Meal?  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
Authors Notes: Okay, this might not be all that good because I'm rewriting this from memory. *mumbles* My STUPID computer screwed up and didn't save this story properly so now I have to rewrite the whole thing. *sigh* Well, here's hoping it's as good as the first one. Thanks to Ariia, inuyashas gurl, I am Sango, and EXTRA SPECIAL thanks to Mimiko and d.j. and crew for the inspiration of this chapter.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"See, pointy sticks ARE good for some things!" Shippo beamed with pride.  
  
"I guess you're right, Shippo," Kagome hugged the kitsune.  
  
Miroku suggested, "How about we eat it?"  
  
"We just ate and you're already hungry?" Sango raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Yes, now come on. I'm starving," Miroku said, picked up the fish, and rushed to the hut.  
  
As the group followed him at a much slower pace, Inuyasha sang the first thing that popped into his head:  
  
(A/N: sing to old McDonald)  
  
"Old mud 'n' bones was a pot..."  
  
"EI I EI I OH!" the group sang.  
  
"And after we killed her she became a necklace..."  
  
"EI I EI I OH!" everyone cheered.  
  
"A cigarette here..." Sango giggled.  
  
"And a fishy there..." Shippo added.  
  
"Necklace, cigarette, what's to come next, next...?" Inuyasha sang.  
  
"Kikyo was a pot..." Kagome crooned. (A/N: that's just a fancy-smancy word for sang)  
  
"EI I EI I OH!!!" the group finished.  
  
They repeated the song until the reached the hut. By the time they'd gotten there, Miroku had already put the fish onto a plate for himself.  
  
Suddenly, a loud, "WHOOOOOO!" was heard.  
  
Kagome rolled her eyes, "Here we go again..."  
  
"You cannot defeat me this time! MWAHAHAHA!! I am the almighty meal! FEAR M-"  
  
CHOMP!  
  
"That was good... who knew clay had such flavor...?" Inuyasha burped.  
  
"Hey that was mine!" Miroku whined.  
  
Soon after, the group set up for a good night's rest. Suddenly, Hojo approached the camp, "Come with me Kagome..."  
  
"Hojo??? What are you doing here?????" Kagome gasped.  
  
"Just come with me!"  
  
"Oh, it's just you Kikyo..." Kagome sighed.  
  
"I am the almighty Hojo!"  
  
"That's impossible. He's alive," Kagome reasoned.  
  
"Uh well... I'm a person who looks and walks like Hojo, but I'm really just a reincarnation of a priestess who has been killed more than five times by the same people! Ha! How's that for a name!"  
  
"Long," Inuyasha rolled over on his side, "Could you leave us alone? We've already killed you like four times today. We're getting really tired of you..."  
  
"I cannot rest until I see you dead-"  
  
"Oh will you shut up already?? What did I tell you about saying that???" Inuyasha yelled.  
  
"Uh, do it more?"  
  
WHACK!  
  
"Ow, my love, why do you treat me so...?"  
  
"Oh, cut the crap! We were in love like a half a century ago! GET OVER IT!!" Inuyasha shouted.  
  
"But my love..."  
  
WHACK!  
  
"That looks like fun! I wanna try!" Shippo followed Inuyasha's lead.  
  
WHACK! WHACK!  
  
"Ooh, fun! Let me try!" Miroku joined them.  
  
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!  
  
"I wanna do it too!" Sango took her boomerang in her hand and started smacking 'Hojo' with it.  
  
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!  
  
"Will you all stop that????"  
  
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!  
  
'Hojo' fell to the floor. Suddenly, a poodle appeared in his place, "I am the almighty poodle! Fear me!"  
  
"Don't you have any other threats besides 'I'm the almighty whatever... fear me'?" Sango questioned.  
  
Kagome rolled her eyes and pulled out a dog whistle. She told Inuyasha to cover his ears and blew into it. Kikyo let out a howl and ran away... right into the stream.  
  
"Yay! She's dead!" Shippo cheered, dancing around with his pointy stick.  
  
"I am not dead! I am the almighty water worm! Fear my rath-"  
  
POKE!  
  
Shippo beamed, "Once again, the pointy s tick prevails!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Did you like it? Love it? R+R=happy me!  
  
Just an added part that I thought was funny, but I like to end it in certain spots:  
  
Kagome shook her head in disbelief, "I can't believe we killed her six times in one day..." 


	5. Blue Bonnet Bunny

Blue Bonnet Bunny  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
Authors Notes: Sorry I took a little longer than usual with this chapter. I had a lot of homework. So anyway, I have had SO many reviews that I can't thank ya'll individually anymore! I really wish I could, but I don't think ya'll want a half-a-page of thank you, do you? If you do, I will certainly add those in there. Well, this chapter's inspiration was brought to you by inuyashas gurl, who has been reading this story from it's very beginning. *wipes tear away* I feel so loved.... oh, here's a special treat for ya'll - when I hit 50 reviews, I'll put out five new chapters in one day. *sweatdrops* I don't know how I'll put out that many chapters in a day, but... I'll figure it out somehow! So if you want five chapters in a day, send a review! Oh, I've been meaning to thank Tannim Mayonaka and Kotiya for putting me on their favorites list. It makes me feel SO good!  
  
Notes to d.g. and crew: Oh my gosh! I'm SO sorry d.g! I swear, the first time I wrote chapter four, it said d.J. but when it got deleted, I was typing really fast cuz I only had about ten minutes before I fell asleep from exhaustion. I'm SO sorry! *bows* Will you forgive me?? *sob*  
  
~*~*~  
  
The next morning, the gang was refreshed and ready to go. Inuyasha was the first to get up, of course, and was urging the group to quicken their pace, "Come on slow pokes! We've got Jewel Shards to collect!"  
  
"Calm down, Inuyasha. Not all of us can go like, fifty miles an hour on our feet. We're going as fast as we can," Miroku whined.  
  
"Oh, Miroku... are you tired...?" Sango teased.  
  
"No! I'm just trying to go slow so you ladies can keep up with Inuyasha and myself," Miroku explained.  
  
"Yeah, well, let's pick up the pace then!" Kagome and Sango took off.  
  
Miroku trailed, panting, behind them, "Wait girls! Come back! Sandals aren't easy to run in!"  
  
"Well that doesn't stop me!" Sango called back.  
  
"And I'm not even wearing shoes! Quit making up excuses Miroku!" Inuyasha scolded, still beating Miroku as he walked backwards.  
  
Miroku slowed his pace a little and choked out, "Okay, fine! I give u-"  
  
THUD!  
  
"Ow..." Miroku rubbed the back of his head, "That hurt... what the heck did I trip on?"  
  
"WHOOOOOO!"  
  
"Aw crap..." Sango moaned, "Why won't you just die??"  
  
"Because as-"  
  
"If you say as long as I'm alive, your soul cannot rest, I'm gonna pound you into the ground," Inuyasha threatened. He looked around, trying to figure out WHAT exactly to threaten. His eyes landed on a bunny... but not just ANY bunny. It was incredibly deformed with one ear, a blue nose, and his body was covered with green spots.  
  
"What the crap is that??" Kagome scrunched her nose, "Kikyo, you could've come back as something cuter than that! Come on, be a little creative!"  
  
"You don't think this is creative??? Look at me! I'm like living artwork!"  
  
"Artwork from what... the freak show?" Inuyasha raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Why are you all so mean to me???"  
  
Shippo shrugged, "Dunno... cuz you're an easy target."  
  
"That isn't a good reason!"  
  
"It sure seems like a good reason to me," Shippo said, then suggested, "Hey, why don't you turn into that old mud 'n' bones again! That was cool! I wanna bang on your head! You know, go BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!"  
  
"You little rodent...."  
  
"First off, I'm not a rodent, and second, YOU are the rodent!" Shippo corrected.  
  
"Hm, well, I.... why don't you just leave me alone??"  
  
"You are the one who won't die!" Sango screamed.  
  
"Oh, uh, right... well, you CANNOT DEFEAT THE ALL POWERFUL BLUE BONNET BUNNY!!!!! MWAHAHAHA!"  
  
"You can get sued for saying that," Kagome said.  
  
"Oh, well, I'm the ALL POWERFUL BUNNY THAT LOOKS ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE THE BLUE BONNET BUNNY, BUT I'M NOT!!! MWHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"  
  
"You look NOTHING like that cute little Blue Bonnet Bunny..." Kagome added.  
  
"I do to! I'm precious and cute and-"  
  
SMACK!  
  
WHACK!  
  
POW!  
  
"Sheesh, ya'll don't have to hit me at once! That's just mean!"  
  
"Just leave. Don't make us get violent...." Kagome growled.  
  
"Oh yeah, I'm sure you could really defeat me this ti-"  
  
STAB!  
  
"Hehe..." Shippo cackled.  
  
Kagome took the stick out of Shippo's paws, "Now, Shippo, I don't think it's healthy for you to kill people too many times with a stick. Let someone else kill her another way so that those watching don't get bored of it, okay?"  
  
"Oh, alright..." Shippo looked down defeatedly.  
  
POOF!  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
Kagome sighed, "Sheesh, god, let her die or at least let US die...."  
  
"I'm the almighty Goshinboku!!!!"  
  
"You are not..." Inuyasha rolled his eyes.  
  
"Yes I am! I am the powerful tree god!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
"Sheesh, Kikyo, for REAL, why DON'T you just die??" Sango frowned, "Just because you think Inuyasha killed you all those years ago doesn't mean that you have to keep bugging us!"  
  
*sad music begins playing*  
  
"Well... I... I never thought about that.... I suppose I have been a little inconsiderate of others feelings... what was I thinking...?"  
  
"You were thinking how much you really wanted to be with Inuyasha..." Kagome smiled sweetly, "And we forgive you."  
  
"Truly?"  
  
*sad music comes to a quick halt*  
  
"Feh! No! Hehe! But We had you going for a second there!" Inuyasha rolled onto the floor laughing.  
  
"That is SO not funny! And to think, I was going to let you demons go-"  
  
"Hey, not all of us are demons!" Sango crossed her arms and kicked the tree.  
  
"Ow, why you little....!"  
  
VROOM!!!  
  
"EEEP!"  
  
VROOM! VROOM!  
  
"TIMBER!!!!" Inuyasha called as the tree made a loud thud on the ground.  
  
Suddenly, the tree detransformed back into the original Kikyo. Shippo gasped with happiness and tried to bang on her head like a bongo again, but this time, there wasn't a hollow sound.  
  
"What the heck??" Shippo questioned.  
  
"I am no longer just a reincarnation. I am the actual human being, Kikyo!" the priestess stood up, "And now, you cannot get rid of me!"  
  
"But how? That's impossible!" Sango gasped.  
  
"I am a magic priestess. I told you I could not rest until I saw you dead, Inuyasha, and I plan on keeping my word," Kikyo spat, pulling out an arrow.  
  
"This isn't funny anymore... you're gonna make us lose some viewers!" Miroku frowned.  
  
"I'm rise from the dead countless times to finally return to my former body and you're concerned with losing viewers??" Kikyo asked, a vein popping out of her head.  
  
Shippo jumped onto her head and poked at it and watched as it popped, "Ooh, cool!"  
  
(A/N: I just now remembered to tell you guys - my e-mail isn't YamaClarinet@aol.com anymore. Now, it's SpazticPrepHater@aol.com. Sorry for not telling ya'll that sooner! If you sent anything to YamaClarinet, it didn't get read, so send it again please!)  
  
"Ow! You stupid little squirel!" Kikyo screamed and grabbed Shippo by the tail.  
  
"Hey! I'm a fox you stupid clay pot!" Shippo corrected.  
  
"I am no longer anything but flesh and blood. You cannot call me any names, nor destroy me..." Kikyo grinned evily, knowing she'd won.  
  
WHACK!  
  
STAB!  
  
SMACK!  
  
POKE!  
  
STOMP!  
  
"OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kikyo screamed and ran around in circles, clutching to her foot with one hand covering her eye.  
  
"What makes you think we can't destroy you when you're a human?" Inuyasha smirked and pulled out his sword.  
  
"Hm, I guess I didn't really think this through...."  
  
WHOOSH!  
  
Kikyo rose into the sky and shouted, "I'll be back, Inuyasha! When you least expect it, I'll return for your lif-"  
  
BAM!  
  
"Hey, I didn't know they had planes in the warring states erra..."  
  
~*~*~  
  
LOL! So did you like it? I ran out of ideas towards the end, but I DEFINITELY don't want to go serious. There's way too many of those and while I really LOVE them, sometimes, you just need some comic relief. So, leave some reviews and tell me what you think. I love hearing from you guys! Remember - the day I hit 50 reviews, I'll post five chapters in a day! So keep those reviews coming! 


	6. Otaku

Otaku  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
Author's Notes: Wow, I got ten whole more reviews, meaning that we're only ten away from five chapters in a day! Keep in mind that when I DO put out these five chapters, it might be late, like around ten or something. Sorry, but I (unfortunately) I have go to school, and on weekends, I normally go to the mall with my friends and the guy I like. Heehee... but ya'll don't want to hear about that. So anyway... this story's inspiration is brought to you (again) by *drum roll* inuyashas gurl! Yes, applaud her! *claps until hands are raw* Ow... don't clap so long that your hands get raw because it hurts... but applaud her nonetheless. Okay on with the story!  
  
Extra notes to d.g. and crew: Eh, thanks for 'forgiving' me. I REALLY didn't mean to screw up like that. *sigh* It just comes naturally.  
  
~*~*~ (A/N: Oh, if you didn't know, Otaku is someone who is obsessed with comic books.)  
  
"Kikyo, will you give up on them already??" an agitated voice came from a huge cloud of smoke.  
  
"No, I will not rest until I have my revenge," Kikyo spat, "Now give me another body - one that they cannot defeat!"  
  
The voice sighed, "Fine... it shall be granted..."  
  
The voice mumbled to himself, "Stupid priestess... just die already and give these people a break... sheesh."  
  
A bright light infused Kikyo and she was gone...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Wow, it's been a whole ten minutes and Kikyo hasn't come back yet... I think that's a record for her lately," Kagome said.  
  
"WHOOOOOOOOO...!!!"  
  
"Spoke too soon..." Inuyasha sighed.  
  
"I am back! I am immortal! I am something that CANNOT be killed, for you can never kill a..."  
  
*long pause*  
  
"Never kill a what?" Miroku questioned.  
  
"You can never kill the almighty MANGA!!!!!!!!!"  
  
*comic book walks- er, hops up to the group*  
  
"Oh... my... god..." Inuyasha moaned and slapped his hand to his forehead before busting out laughing with the others following.  
  
"Why do you people always laugh?? It's NOT funny!"  
  
*laughter*  
  
Shippo held onto his sides and replied, "Kikyo, you're a book. What are you gonna do...? Give us a paper cut??"  
  
*more laughter*  
  
"That is NOT funny you stupid reincarnation!"  
  
*more laughter*  
  
"Why do you always laugh at me?????????"  
  
*more laughter*  
  
"Fine then! I'll just attack you! PAPER CUT ATTACK!!!!"  
  
*more laughter*  
  
"Why don't you die?????"  
  
"That's a question we should be asking you," Sango choked.  
  
*laughter*  
  
"Sheesh, ya'll have been eating too much sugar or something..."  
  
*more laughter*  
  
"Do you even know what sugar is... you ARE over 50 years old!" Kagome giggled.  
  
*more laughter*  
  
"Yes, I KNOW WHAT SUGAR IS!!!!"  
  
"Sure you do..." Kagome managed to say through her laughs. She finally calmed down, "So, how do you want to die today? Poking, whacking, smacking, stomping?"  
  
"I am not going to die today!!!!!!!"  
  
"Let's burn it!" Inuyasha suggested.  
  
"Kirara!" Sango ordered, pointing to the comic book.  
  
*Kirara transforms into that saber tooth thingy with the fire*  
  
"Hey, w-what are you looking at me like that for...?? HELP-"  
  
BURN!  
  
SIZZLE!  
  
CRACKLE!  
  
"I'M MELTING! MELTING I TELL YOU! OH, I'M MELTING!!!"  
  
"Yay, she's dead!" Miroku cheered.  
  
"No! I am the mighty SMOKE CLOUD!!!"  
  
*dun dun dun...*  
  
"Oh, whatever Kikyo! Get a freakin life!" Inuyasha shouted.  
  
"You know, I'm getting really f*beep*in' pissed of that you f*beep*in' people won't f*beep*in' leave me the f*beep* alone!"  
  
Shippo screamed and ran away, "POTTY MOUTH! POTTY MOUTH!!!!"  
  
Inuyasha crossed his arms, "Haven't I told you not to mess with the fox??"  
  
"No... I don't think so..."  
  
WHACK!  
  
"You, know... I'm gonna f*beep*in kill you, you b*beep*tard!"  
  
"You got a messed up mind, you screwed up cloud!" Sango shouted and threw her boomerang at the smoke.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Heehee... that was fun! I never got to kill her before!" Sango smiled, and put her boomerang away.  
  
Inuyasha chuckled, "See, I told you it was fun..."  
  
"POTTY MOUTH! POTTY MOUTH! POTTY MOUTH! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
That's the end for that chapter. R+R=happy me. 


	7. CD Blues

CD Blues  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, today is the day of 50 reviews. It'll take me a while to get them all out, since I have a lot of plans today, but I WILL get them out! I'm putting this one up before I go to the mall and I'll put more when I get back around 6:30 (central time). Well, thanks for all the reviewers. This one was inspired by inuyashas gurl once again.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"What's that noise?" Inuyasha perked up his ears.  
  
"I dunno... I think it's coming from Kagome's bag," Shippo crawled over to her backpack.  
  
Shippo pulled out a portable CD player and Inuyasha took it, sniffed it and said, "Kagome, turn your stupid thingy off. Why'd you turn it on in the first place?"  
  
"I didn't turn it on..." Kagome replied.  
  
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"Oh crap..." Inuyasha muttered.  
  
"I AM THE ALMIGHTY CD PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"I can't take this anymore!!!!!!!" Kagome screamed and ran to the stream.  
  
"Hehe... I made her run away from me! See, I AM almighty! Fear me!"  
  
"Yeah, whatever..." Miroku mumbled.  
  
"Ha! You should fear for your life!"  
  
"Don't count on it!" Kagome shouted as she came back into the camp with a shoe in her hand filled with water.  
  
"What are you d-doing??"  
  
ZTT!  
  
Kagome dusted her hands off with a smile of satisfaction on her face, "See, I told you not to count on it..."  
  
"Kagome did it! Kagome did it!" Shippo danced around.  
  
"Kagome, you've killed her so many times... you're so strong now..." Inuyasha smiled as he came closer to her. (A/N: gotta have Inu/Kag somewhere in here)  
  
"Oh Inuyasha, that's sweet..." Kagome blushed, "Now let's go get some food from Kaede. I think she's finally recovered from eating all those turkeys..."  
  
"Turkeys?" Sango raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah, don't you remember that one time we were at the hut and Kaede was there, but she didn't talk? Well, she was speechless from eating too many turkeys."  
  
"Sure, why not..." Miroku sighed and joined the group in walking back to the hut.  
  
~*~*~  
  
I'm sorry that's so short. I SWEAR that the other four will be a LOT longer! Well, I gtg! TTYL! 


	8. Manicure Anyone?

Manicure Anyone?  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
Summary: Hey, what's up? Sorry that I didn't write those five chapters I promised. I ended up having a REALLY bad weekend and this week hasn't been so hot either. *shrug* If you care enough to ask, I'll tell you, but I'm not gonna post it for all the world to know. So, anyway, this chapter's inspiration was brought to you (once again) by inuyashas gurl. Once again, thank her-she's the reason I stopped feeling sorry for myself, got off my lazy butt, and decided to write (not five) but SIX chapters! I SWEAR on my LIFE that these will be out today. Oh, BTW, that turkey thing with Kaede was inspired by Shadowy Tenshi-chan in the last chapter.  
  
Hey, this one includes SOME stuff about Kaede that you guys may not like, but trust me, I really like her. She's funny with her 'ye'. So, it doesn't classify as bashing, but I make fun of her accent a little. Sorry...  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Okay, so Kaede, are you recovered from those turkeys? You haven't spoken in a week..." Kagome questioned the older priestess.  
  
Kaede mumbled, "Yes, now will you kindly-"  
  
"OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! SHE SAID 'YOU' AND NOT 'YE'!!!!!! THE WORLDS GONNA END! RUN FOR COVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Inuyasha howled and ran around in circles with his hands over his ears.  
  
Kaede sighed, "Ye be a strange one-"  
  
Inuyasha stopped and exhaled, relieved, "Oh thank god she said 'ye'... I was kinda freaked out there for a second..."  
  
Kaede put her hands on her hips, "I not need to take this from ye!"  
  
"YE!!!!!!!!!!" Inuyasha rolled over laughing and holding onto his sides, "YE! YE! YE! YE!"  
  
"Will ye quiet him down Kagome...?" Kaede asked.  
  
"YE! YE! YE! YE!" Inuyasha started laughing himself to tears.  
  
"SHUT UP YOU JERK OFF!!!!!!!!" Kaede screamed and stormed away with a toss of her hair.  
  
Everyone blinked after her before breaking into a loud ruckus of laughter. Suddenly, Inuyasha stopped and sniffed the air, "What's that awful smell...?"  
  
Sango took a deep whiff, "It's coming from Kagome's bag."  
  
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh great..." Kagome moaned.  
  
"I AM THE ALMIGHT NAILPOLISH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Yeah, so..." Kagome rolled her eyes.  
  
Inuyasha cocked his head, "What's nail poolish...?"  
  
"BUT I AM NOT JUST ANY NAIL POLISH-I AM THE FEARFUL LAVENDER NAIL POLISH!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! FEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Shippo asked calmly, "Can I throw her in the stream?"  
  
Miroku gestured his hands towards the stream, "Be my guest, Shippo."  
  
Shippo walked over to the nail polish and picked it up, "Yay! This'll be fun!!!!!!"  
  
"HEY, YOU STUPID LITTLE SQUIRREL!!!!!!! PUT ME DOWN!!!!!!!!"  
  
WHACK!  
  
"What did I tell you about being mean to the kitsune??" Inuyasha questioned angrily, his hand in a fist.  
  
"Uh... no comment..."  
  
"That's what I thought," Inuyasha smiled proudly, "Now go ahead Shippo."  
  
Shippo continued his short journey to the stream with the gang following close behind.  
  
"PUT ME DOWN!!!!!! I DON'T WANNA DROWN AGAIN!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
SPLASH!  
  
"Oops..." Shippo grinned innocently, "Must've slipped..."  
  
"Well done Shippo," Inuyasha congratulated, "Now I'm happy to say-"  
  
"DON'T SAY IT!!!!!!!!!!!" Kagome screamed.  
  
Inuyasha continued a little agitated, "I'm happy to s-"  
  
"NO, YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!" Miroku interrupted.  
  
Inuyasha cleared his throat loudly, "AS I WAS SAYING-I'm happy to-"  
  
"WE WON'T ALLOW IT!!!!!!" Sango held up her hand to stop him.  
  
Inuyasha howled, "WHAT'S THE BIG FREAKIN DEAL???? I WAS JUST GONNA SAY I-"  
  
Kagome covered Shippo's ears and said, "You can't let him hear you!"  
  
"I was JUST gonna say I was proud of him!!!!!!!!! SHEESH! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE???" Inuyasha yelled.  
  
"Oh... we thought you were gonna say something else," Miroku shrugged.  
  
"Like what??" Inuyasha asked.  
  
"Dunno... truth is, we just wanted to keep interrupting you. It's fun," Kagome explained.  
  
"Okay... sure..." Inuyasha rolled his eyes, then mumbled under his breath, "Stupid humans..."  
  
"SIT!!!!"  
  
"Stupid wench!!!!!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Hehe... I love doing that in the end. Oh, if you guys like this story, ya'll should read my other one 'Top Of The World'. I'll put a link in the next chapter if I remember. Well, bye for now! Be ready for another 5 chapters today. I'm sure ya'll are SO happy! 


	9. Thin Ice

Thin Ice  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, so this is the second chapter of my six. *sigh* You guys better be glad I love you, because I'm sitting here at *looks at clock* 1:22 in the morning and I'm going on a trip in the morning. So, I'm trying to stay away (especially since I took a huge test today and got up at 7) and write these chapters for you guys. Please be patient if I only get five out. I'm trying the best I can. REALLY I am! So, enough blabbing on my part. This chapter was actually inspired by myself, which is a huge surprise... well, actually, it WASN'T inspired by me-it was inspired by the creators of South Park, but whatever. I came up with the idea to use so... *sigh* I'm delirious...  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Man, it's really cold. I didn't know it would snow this time of year," Kagome wrapped her arms around herself to keep the harsh wind off her skin.  
  
"I know. It's never snowed in April... it's quite odd for this time of year," Miroku observed. (A/N: I don't know if it snows in April in Japan or not. I live in Texas and it sure has h*** don't snow here in April or any other time for that matter)  
  
Inuyasha pulled Kagome closer to him to keep her from the wind, "Kagome, you're gonna freeze wearing that skirt thingy."  
  
"I know... but I didn't expect a blizzard this time around," Kagome sighed, and leaned into Inuyasha's warm arms.  
  
(A/N: don't worry guys, this will get funny soon enough..."  
  
"HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!" Sango gasped as she almost fell in a huge hole. She'd been walking ahead of the group.  
  
Shippo ran around in circles, "POTTY MOUTH! POTTY MOUTH! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!!!!"  
  
(A/N: told ya...)  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! MY POT HOLE WORKED!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"  
  
"You've GOT to be kidding me..." Inuyasha grumbled before shouting, "Hey, Kikyo, do you think you could bother us later-AFTER we're out of the blizzard?? We don't have time for you!"  
  
"I WILL NOT BE- HOLY CRAP IT ~IS~ COLD!!!!!!" Kikyo's voice rang throughout the mountain.  
  
"Told ya!" the gang yelled in unison.  
  
"Yeah, well... FEAR ME!!!!!! I'M THE ALMIGHTY POT HOLE GODDESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Pot hole goddess... oh my gosh..." Kagome rolled her eyes, "Listen, that's not even worthy of a laugh. Get a life Kikyo."  
  
"I'VE HAD PLENTY OF THEM THANKS TO YOU!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Sheesh, someone got up on the wrong side of the grass," Miroku joked.  
  
Kikyo's screams echoed all over the mountain.  
  
"So, how should we get rid of her this time? We don't have a lot of time to think," Inuyasha yelled over the loud wind.  
  
"Hey, I've got an idea," a little light bulb went on over Shippo's head as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of water.  
  
(A/N: no, it's not frozen... it's... er, magic...)  
  
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU LITTLE RODENT????"  
  
"He's not a rodent," Sango commented.  
  
Shippo poured the water into the pot hole where it instantly froze, "Hehe..."  
  
They gang all crowded around the frozen hole to see a incy-wincy version of Kikyo, frozen with a very angry look on her face.  
  
(A/N: This is where South Park comes in)  
  
They all stared at it for a long time before Inuyasha said, "Hey, you wanna see if she'll shatter?"  
  
"Yeah! Let's go get a shovel!" Kagome cheered as the group headed of through the cold in search of a shovel.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Okay, how was that? Good? Bad? Well, either way, I'm proud of it... because it's pretty darn good considering I'm half-asleep! Well, next chapter... 


	10. TV Dinner

TV Dinner  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
Author's Notes: Okay, these next three chapters are inspired by SSJAniFan. Applaud her... *yawn* So enough talking... let's go.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"I'm hungry," Inuyasha complained, "When is that TV dinner thingy going to be ready?"  
  
"In just a minute," Kagome called, sitting over the fire.  
  
(A/N: Don't ask why she's cooking TV dinners over a fire... it's not like they have a microwave or anything)  
  
"What's a TV anyway?" Inuyasha questioned.  
  
Kagome explained, "A TV is something that people in the future use to entertain themselves. It's a box and pictures flash by really fast so it looks like you're watching the event itself through this magical box in your living room. Though in most cases, families have more than one TV in their house and-"  
  
"HOW ABOUT I SHOW YOU WHAT A TV REALLY IS??????"  
  
"Come on, we're just about to eat..." Inuyasha rolled his eyes.  
  
(A/N: in case you didn't notice, it's just Kagome and Inuyasha. The others are... uh, watching the cotton float by in the air)  
  
A TV hopped over to where Inuyasha and Kagome were sitting. On the screen was Kikyo's face.  
  
Kagome cocked her head, "How are you turned on without a plug?"  
  
"BECAUSE I AM ALMIGHTY!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Why won't you just leave us alone?" Inuyasha questioned.  
  
"Because you belong with me... Inuyasha..."  
  
*sad music plays*  
  
"I... I still love you... I never STOPPED loving you... all those attempts to kill you were just a cry for attention..."  
  
"You could've just called my name..." Inuyasha smirked.  
  
*sad music stops abruptly*  
  
"THAT'S IT!!!!!! YOU'VE PUSHED ME TOO FAR!!!!!!!!"  
  
Kikyo's face disappeared and replaced it with Animal Planet, causing Inuyasha to shriek and cover his eyes, "NOOO!!!!! WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO THAT DOG???? OH MY GOD!!!!!!! WHAT ARE THEY DOING????? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"MWHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"  
  
"It's okay, Inuyasha... they're just neutering him..." Kagome attempted to comfort Inuyasha.  
  
"WHY????????" Inuyasha cried, "What did he ever do to deserve such a cruel fate??? Oh, that's just awful!!!!!!!!!! Horrible!!!!!! Make it go away Kagome!!!!!!!!"  
  
"SHE CAN'T MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!!!! CUZ I'M ALMIGHTY!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh my god... get over yourself Kikyo... you're nothing more than some stupid clay pot who accept the fact that she's been dead for over 50 years!" Kagome clenched her fists.  
  
"Oooh, you're clenching your fists at me... now I'm scared..."  
  
Kagome hit the OFF button, cutting off Kikyo, and sat down again next to a sobbing Inuyasha, "He was just a little dog... he didn't deserve it... he just didn't..."  
  
There was a muffled sound coming from the TV, but it sounded something like, "It should've been you on that TV," and Inuyasha broke into more tears than before.  
  
(A/N: poor Inuyasha...)  
  
Kagome sighed, picked up the TV, and carried it to the river with Inuyasha curiously following, though still covering his eyes.  
  
SPLASH!!!!!!!!!  
  
ZZT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kagome dusted of her hands, "Well, that's the end of that cheesy show... now how about we eat us some TV dinners...?"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Very short chapter, but like I said, I'm brain dead at this point. It's 1:54. *yawn* Only... three more chapters to... go... *snore* 


	11. Hot Fudge

Hot Fudge Goes With Anything  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
A/N: No mas... I mean, no more... *yawn*  
  
~*~*~  
  
Kagome smiled, "Hey, since we've been having a lot of bad luck with Kikyo and all, I decided to bring us some ice cream from my time."  
  
(A/N: she's just coming back from her own time)  
  
"Really? What is it?" Shippo asked as Kagome handed him his ice cream.  
  
"It's really good-you should try it. I'll bet you like it better than anyone Shippo," Kagome continued handing out the ice creams.  
  
Just as Inuyasha was about to taste his, a voice was heard:  
  
"MY GOD!!!! DON'T EAT ME!!!!!!! DON'T EAT ME YOU DOG BRAIN!!!!!!!!"  
  
Everyone moaned and Kagome frowned, "We're trying to experience something new here and you're ruining it! How did you get in the ice cream from my time anyway???"  
  
"Man, this body is sticky... I mean... I'M ALMIGHTY!!!!! FEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
CHOMP!!!!!  
  
"Well done, Inuyasha," Sango congratulated.  
  
Inuyasha licked his lips, "Wow, that was good. You have any more Kagome?"  
  
Kagome handed him another one and the hot fudge, which Inuyasha quickly devoured without putting it on the ice cream. Inuyasha licked his lips and started putting the hot fudge on everything he could-ramen, TV dinners, and turkeys... bugs, "Wow, hot fudge goes with anything!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Wow, that was SUCH a short chapter, but I'm SORRY!!!!! I just can't do this... I'm drop dead tired and it's *looks at clock* 2:07. I have to get up early tomorrow and then, I'm going on a trip. I'm sorry, but I've GOT to get some sleep. I got out four chapters and that's pretty good, I think. I promise I'll put out two in a day when I get a chance.  
  
I'm going on this trip and I won't be back until Tuesday and even then, I won't have my computer since my dad is taking it back to the shop to get it fixed. So, it will probably be like a week before I can write any more. I'm SO sorry... maybe I'll try and fit in ONE more in the morning. *yawn* Well, good night... *snore* 


	12. Do You Like Bgawk?

Do You Like Bgawk? By: Margaret Granado  
  
Author's Notes: I'm an EVIL writer!!! I pray and pray and pray that you will all forgive me for taking so long to put out a chapter!!!! *bows until I get arthritis in my back* Well, I hope that you like this chapter.  
  
Author's Complaints/Excuses: Well, I'm hoping to put out more chapters in the following week. I'm FINALLY on summer vacation so I will have more time and I have regained my ability to stay up late. Right now, it's 3:28AM and I'm just a LITTLE tired. PLUS I have to get up tomorrow about 9 because my friend is coming over. My three best friends and I were SUPPOSED to be going to the lake, but my friend Elizabeth, couldn't come cuz her parents hate me... well, I don't know if that's true, but they sure act like it. Anyway, my two other best friends are still coming over and one of them is over right now... but Tiffany is sleeping. LOL! I should be doing that too, but whatever. So, Whitney is coming over at 9 and we're gonna spend the day together watching movies and that sorta stuff. It's gonna be fun. Anyway, ya'll probably stopped reading this, so I'm gonna stop. I hope ya'll enjoy this chapter!  
  
This chapter is brought to you by... me... cuz now, it's 4:00 in the morning (I had to read my other chapters to see what ideas I've already used) and I'm a little tired. But, I have enough energy to put out a pretty good sized chapter. So, this is something that my friend, Whitney, and I say all the time... have fun reading.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Wow, it's been over a month since Kikyo bothered us..." Kagome said as she stretched lazily under the summer sun.  
  
(A/N: I'm writing this as if it was in my own time)  
  
"I know... it's so weird. I mean, one day, she's coming once every hour and now, she's just... poof - gone," Sango agreed.  
  
"WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!"  
  
"Ya'll jinxed us!" Miroku yelled, "Look what you guys did!!!!!!"  
  
(A/N: *yawn* I'm gonna get some sugar... then, I'll put out a better chapter *goes into kitchen in search of anything involving sugar* Um... *finds Sweet-N-Low* This works! *comes back* Okay, I'm ready!!!!)  
  
"Sorry..." Kagome and Sango said in unison.  
  
(A/N: *finds candy cane at bottom of computer drawer from X-Mas* Hm... *chomp* ... don't give me that look! I'm doing this for YOU! ... hey, this actually isn't that bad... okay, WAY too many Author's Notes!! I'll stop now unless it's helpful stuff to help you understand what I'm talking about!)  
  
Before Kikyo could say anything, Inuyasha rolled his eyes, "Let me guess - you've become something we can't beat, you're almighty, and we should fear you..."  
  
"BGAWK!"  
  
"Hm... I didn't see that one coming..." Inuyasha commented looking at the chicken at his feet.  
  
"BGAWK! BGAWK! BGAWK! B-B-BGAWK!!!!"  
  
"Can't you speak English?" Shippo questioned.  
  
"Yes, but I happen to like talking like a chicken..."  
  
"Well, when you spend your whole life being a head of one..." Inuyasha mumbled under his breath.  
  
"ARE YOU CALLING ME A CHICKEN HEAD????"  
  
"Maybe..." Inuyasha muttered before clearing his throat. Then, he said in between fake coughs, "*cough* loser *cough*"  
  
"YOU REALLY PISS ME OFF YOU F***ING B*****D!!"  
  
"POTTY MOUTH!! POTTY MOUTH!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!" Shippo shouted as he ran around in circles.  
  
"OOOOHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TURKEY!!!!!! HERE TURKEY, TURKEY!!! I WON'T EAT YE!!!!!!!" Kaede came running out of the hut with her arms outstretched.  
  
"Oh my gosh!!!! What is she doing???" the chicken said as it began to try and flap away, "Get away from me you old hag!! I'm not a freaking turkey! I'm a chicken!!!!!! Stop drooling!!!!!!!!"  
  
*laughter*  
  
Kaede laughed a retarded sounding laugh that you can only make if you're highly excited/amused about, "Gobble, gobble little friend...!!!!!"  
  
*laughter*  
  
"I'M SCUUUURED!!!!!!"  
  
(A/N: That's like saying scared in a funny way... that's how I say it)  
  
*laughter*  
  
"SAVE ME YOU FREAKS!!!!!!!!!! DON'T JUST STAND THERE LAUGHING!!!!!!!"  
  
*more laughter*  
  
"DO YOU FIND THIS FUNNY????"  
  
"Here little gobble, gobble!!!!!!" Kaede was meanwhile trying to catch the 'turkey'.  
  
(A/N: Don't forget in past chapters Kaede has had a fixation with turkeys... she didn't talk for a week because she ate too many..."  
  
"Okay, Kaede... that's enough. Let the sack of mud alone," Kagome said through her laughter.  
  
"Ye are no fun..." Kaede's shoulders slumped and she dragged herself back to the hut in sorrow.  
  
"Okay, so let's play a game!" Kagome suggested.  
  
"Sure... how do you play?" Shippo questioned.  
  
"Well, it's really simple. I'm gonna sing a song and ya'll kinda act out what I'm singing... on Kikyo!" Kagome explained.  
  
Everyone excitedly agreed and she began singing. (A/N: I'm using Only Hope by Switchfoot... no, Mandy Moore didn't write it. I'm using this song because... I like this song and it's what's playing on my MusicMatchJukebox right now. Anyway, I'm just using the chorus)  
  
Kagome crooned: (A/N: Remember, that's just a fancy word for sing)  
  
"So I lay my head back down..."  
  
Miroku rammed his head into the chicken.  
  
"OW!!!!!!!! YOU FREAK!!!!!!!! WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT FOR???"  
  
Her voice rang, "And I lift my hands..."  
  
Inuyasha raised his hands in the air and banged them as hard as he could onto the chicken.  
  
Kagome sang, "And pray..."  
  
Sango got on her knees and placed her hands together in prayer, "Dear LORD, please make Kikyo leave us alone... maybe hit her with a lightning bolt? We'd be forever grateful... we just want to live in peace. In your name... Amen."  
  
BOOM!!!!!!  
  
"WHERE THE HECK DID THAT STUPID THUNDERBOLT COME FROM??? THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE SKY!!!!!!"  
  
Kagome continued, "To be only yours... I pray... to be only yours..."  
  
Inuyasha wrapped his arms around Kagome and whispered, "I love your voice."  
  
A blush came to her cheeks but she finished, "I know now you're my only hope..."  
  
With those last words, Inuyasha craned his neck down and placed a soft kiss on Kagome's lips. (A/N: Don't you just love em?)  
  
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME INUYASHA!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF DOG ARE YOU???"  
  
"He's half..." Shippo said.  
  
"I'm not cheating on you because we haven't been together in over 50 years... get over it," Inuyasha growled with his arms still around Kagome, "I love Kagome now... not you."  
  
"I WILL NOT HAVE THIS!!!!!!"  
  
*fires come up from the ground around the chicken*  
  
"I HAVE TAKEN ENOUGH FROM YOU!!!!! I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO BETRAY ME AGAIN!!!!!!!"  
  
With all the ruckus, Kaede stuck her head out the door and spotted a certain someone..., "TURKEY!!!!!!!! EVEN BETTER!!!!!! ROASTED TURKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"WHAT THE-"  
  
CHOMP!!!!  
  
Kaede rubbed her stomach, "Mmm! I love turkeys!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
So how did ya'll like that? Good? Bad? Again, I'm sorry for not updating sooner! But please review! I miss all my reviews that came pouring in when I updated! 


	13. Kikyo Living

Kikyo Living  
  
By: Margaret Granado  
  
Author's Notes: This is another joke between my friend Whitney and I so I hope you enjoy! BTW, it's not 4:47AM and I'm still going... there must've been something in that candy cane...  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Okay, so how many times have we killed her altogether?" Sango asked.  
  
"I dunno... why?" Kagome questioned.  
  
"I just wanted to know," Sango replied.  
  
"Uh, well, let's see... first, it was Kikyo, then the clay pot, the necklace charm, the wind, the cigarette, the fish, the meal, Hojo, the poodle, the water worm, that deformed bunny, the Goshinboku, Kikyo again, the comic book, the smoke cloud, the CD player, nail polish, the pot hole goddess, a TV, ice cream, and a chicken. So, that's 21 times we've killed her..." Miroku calculated.  
  
"What do you think she'll come back as this time?" Shippo wondered.  
  
"With Kikyo... there's no telling," Kagome sighed.  
  
"WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!"  
  
"But we're about to find out," Inuyasha mumbled.  
  
A woman with blonde hair, a jean button up long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and butt-ugly brown pants appeared in front of them.  
  
"I am not almighty anymore... but you SHOULD fear me... for I am now... MARTHA STEWART!!!!"  
  
Kagome fell onto the ground laughing, being the only one who knew who Martha Stewart was.  
  
"WHAT THE F*** IS SO F***ING FUNNY YOU B****! GET A F***ING LIFE YOU DUMB A**!!!!"  
  
"POTTY MOUTH!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOUTH!!!!!! POTTY MOU-"  
  
"Will you shut that kid up??"  
  
(A/N: 5:05... I'm getting tired so this is gonna be a short chapter)  
  
"Why are you Martha Stewart?" Kagome asked.  
  
"Because I want to be! And I'm CREATIVE!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!"  
  
Then, in that creepy, Martha Stewart voice (she scares me...) she said, "Now, today, we'll be learning how to get revenge on the people who have killed you numerous times and you need, ne, MUST kill them right away. It's simple. All you need is a good hunting knife... no, in fact, all you need is a simple knife from your kitchen. Then, you find your prey. Come - I'll demonstrate."  
  
Kikyo crept up to Inuyasha as if he couldn't see her... he just raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Now then, you sneak up on them unsuspectingly and then... POUNCE!!!"  
  
Inuyasha took one step out of the way and Kikyo flew into the wall.  
  
"Now, they MAY move out of the way... but keep going. Don't give up! They'll eventually get tired!"  
  
WHACK!  
  
SMACK!  
  
POKE!  
  
ZTT!  
  
POUND!  
  
"And they may have friends... so I wouldn't suggest doing this at home... think you for joining me on Martha Stewart Living..."  
  
*faint*  
  
STOMP!!!!  
  
*die*  
  
"Yay!!!!! I got to stomp someone!!!!! Fun, fun!!!!!!" Shippo cheered and did the cabbage patch.  
  
~*~*~  
  
So, R+R Please! It's 5:13 so I think I'm gonna go to bed. Oh, may I suggest watching Rurouni Kenshin? It's SUCH a good anime! But, it's REALLY sad, so watch it only if you're willing to cry over an anime! ... I did. Okay, bye! 


End file.
